Don't drown in your tears babe

The universe is my friend.  I remember this each time I feel I'm in a terrible position and unable to move forward.  Should I decide to focus on finding my treasure, I will continue on a path where experiencing some not so subtle pains is a part of the process.  The process means looking at the difficult experiences and deciding who you are after that.  I had a wonderful weekend recently, meditating, observing the plant near the balcony window and marveling at the lines and patterns on each leaf.  I was eager after this to notice and pick up on all kinds of shapes and patterns in nature.  I observed heart shaped stones I picked up on the beach and thought how the Universe might be sending me some love each time I visit the ocean and come across heart shaped stones.  Your heart, it tells me, is something you've also got to nurture.  You cant bury it under your work all the time, it'll feel sore under all that weight.  Maybe I should live at the beach, so that I can breathe in bliss and be delighted with every stone I pick up.  Maybe I should also pay a little more attention to the heart inside so that it can also drift freely swimming in an endless sea of happiness.  I like this feeling, I think the heart shaped stones are all little pieces of me. 

Passing it on...Veronika Decides to Die

The Red String theory suggests that those destined to meet are connected to each other by an invisible cord which can stretch or tangle but never break.  The television show Touch, which ran for two seasons in the US, based a part of its premise on this wonderful thought and like another short lived show, the beloved Firefly, holds a special place in my heart.

Created by Kiefer Sutherland, who also stars, the storyline centers around a fascinating eleven-year old boy, Jake Bohm, who uses numbers to communicate and see patterns of events.  In the pilot episode, a passenger loses his phone in an airport, a rather traumatizing experience for him as the phone contains pictures of his deceased daughter.  The phone travels from the airport across continents, connecting individuals, some lost and some in need of hope.  In what could have been an altogether tragic event, the phone travels across the globe playing out that idea of interconnectedness. 

I loved this idea and wanted to be able to cross the paths of different people and their experiences.  A smart phone isn't very practical for me so I had to think of something else.  What is it that could connect and speak to the hearts of others? My first blog post hints at my love for writer Paulo Coelho's work by mentioning a book which had an astounding impact on my life.  Veronika Decides to Die spoke to the best of me, to that part of me that wants to find my treasure or my sword.  I have an idea...I want this book to travel like the phone did.  I'd like it to find those who are in need of hope and in search of their travels.  Perhaps this is the start of an idea I'd like to nurture...a book I need to pass on, a book that needs to drift from soul to soul, each time having thoughts placed into it.  Each new soul finding their hopes within and leaving their thoughts behind for others to read.  And then I would like this book to come back to me, to see all the souls its has drifted to and to feel the hope in finding one's treasure...the universe will conspire to help me find my treasure...

The Writer

During my holiday in the Eastern Cape I decided to put down my title of desperate writer (a feeling I've been experiencing recently with my MA dissertation) and allow myself to find a fresh perspective on writing.  I am eager to engage in the beautiful feelings of spoken word poetry and the other forms that creative writing bring, but also have to get on to completing the theoretical component of my dissertation. 

I was fortunate enough to find a book titled Research Writing (2007) by Cecile Badenhorst and it has surpassed my expectations of pretentious academic discourse to open up myself as the reader to a world of possibilities in writing.  In my creative writing I often experience bursts of energy and confidence, much like having a dream waking up and quickly writing down all the details before they disappear.  Academic writing however demands more consistency and the ability to conceptualise something worth the academic community's time.  I hit page 11 of the book and had to rethink my approach to engaging with and writing my dissertation.  Lets just say I am now writing on coloured paper with funky gel coloured pens.  Never has a book gotten me more excited about the power of a purple pen! I'm on an amazing journey as a writer, meeting myself, challenging where I stand with my research and changing my perspective on how enjoyable my research could actually be.  I've completed a number of exercises in the book and the first one I did asked me to consider what kind of a writer I believe myself to be.  Below is the paragraph I wrote describing me as a writer:

THE WRITER

I appear to be quiet, contemplative and deeply thoughtful on the outside and have a million screaming ideas on the inside.  I have bouts, or what I will playfully refer to as 'flouts' (for their random nature) of happiness, grand ideas and images that play in my mind.  I then experience doubt, a scrambling in thoughts and then a flatness in energy and creativity.  I regard myself as an all kinds of writer.  Struggling, uninterested and unmotivated.  But among all those crushing words there lies some determination and potential joy.  I'm a desperate writer, but when I can enter the same state I experience in my dreams the anxiety becomes a thought I don't remember.  I'd like to meet myself in my writing rather than just letting the pen dance on paper.  Let me write what I like.